27th

Been almost a month since I turned 27, that kind of pesky number that signals my entry into the late twenties. Three more years, and I’ll be fucking 30.

Don’t get me wrong, growing older is kind of inevitable. We all do it every second.

This year was kind of wild. Well, compared to last year’s quiet celebrations. The weekend before my birthday, we went to Singapore and experienced Universal Studios. Was fun, very fun, in fact, that I really want to go back (when I already have a budget for it). Methinks it’s S$75 per person for a one day all access pass, but it’s hella worth it. I’d so go back to the Transformers ride and the Battlestar Galactica rollercoasters again. Scary shit, but maaaaan, what an experience.

Day of my birthday, eleventh of September (yes, yes, same day of that fateful day back in 2001), and I was prepping to hang out with some EDM-loving friends. It was kinda unplanned. Contacted my friend Marc to ask if he’s game for some beer, then asked our common friend Jeff if he is also. Turns out Jeff’s place is free, so we went there and just bought several 1 liter bottles of Red Horse. Drank four bottles, and asked them if they wanted to come with since I’ll be going to Time (my fave underground club). Both said yes, though Marc can only stay for a few minutes as he had to go home.

Since I told them that I wanna go to Time on Strike Tuesdays since I missed United Under Dance during the weekend that I was in Singapore, Cam and JP were texting me the entire night asking if I was coming. And so I did. And had fun. And had an after-party that lasted two days. Hahahahaha!

Wild, wild birthday. Got to spend it with my best friend, my EDM friends, and my beau. Life is beautiful! PLUR.

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Pimp me! In a work-sense, okay? :D

Hello! I’m a bit back, in a sense, coz I wanna pimp myself. I need a freelance gig, y’all. If you know anyone needing a graphic designer on a per-project basis, well, I’m basically offering my services. Pretty please? Hahaha… Anyway, I think I’ve got the talent and the experience. I specialize on classy / high-end lifestyle layouts. But I also dabble with other designs to meet the client’s creative needs.

So here’s my current portfolio:

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Hahaha… Well, that’s basically it. Maybe I’ll touch-up this wordpress site some time to reflect my design sensibilities in order to sell myself in a manner that’s “conceptual” in a sense.

Till next time! πŸ˜€

Thoughts…

One day you’re just living your life, working, interacting with people, smiling, laughing, calling a lover in the middle of the night, or maybe a friend, getting scolded by your parents. Then the next day, maybe even the next minute, poof. You’re gone.

Death is one of the most abstract things that I can possibly name. It’s not that it doesn’t have an explanation (biological functions cease to operate caused by a number of fatal reasons which may be natural or otherwise), but it’s just hard to grasp most of the time. Especially when you do know the person who died, it is really difficult and it takes a long time for acceptance to settle in, if it ever even does. Some people can’t even properly move on years down the line.

This is why I also don’t understand suicide or suicidal tendencies. A friend seriously considered this. I find this train of thought baffling. Some people, they want to live, really live, yet they die anyway from various causes; it can be from a fatal disease. from an accident, or from being murdered, and as gruesome that thought is, it is also a possibility.

I’m not saying I haven’t thought of taking my own life when I was depressed, but I got over those thoughts quickly, because a bigger part of me thinks that the entire thing is just too damn pathetic to be even an option. Sure, I make inappropriate jokes about slashing my wrists, especially during Valentine’s Day (well, I am single), but to me, I wouldn’t ever be serious about killing myself.

Life is a gift. Life is too damn precious just to throw away. And I’ve got so much to live for. We all do. Every day, every freaking minute is a fight for survival. I live to love. To smile. To laugh, as loud as I can. Life is not just about existing.Β Life, to me, is all about living every possibility, every story. Life is an experience waiting to happen.

We should all be grateful that we get a chance to live our lives to the fullest, as clichΓ© as that sounds. But clearly, I think we owe ourselves that.

Tagaytay and Trainer Tuesday!

Hello, madlang people!Β So, actually, hindi ko alam kung paano ko to ike-kwento, pero ang random kasi nitong araw na to. I love spontaneity pa naman. πŸ™‚

So last week, I was supposed to go a full week working for a medium-sized ad agency in Makati. Went in Monday, but it didn’t “feel” right. So I just called it a day, brought some work home, and mulled it over. Had a talk with my sister the day after, at 5am. I felt as if I’d be earning a lot more if I just focus on jobs that I can do at home, so I just sent an email with the finished layouts, and told them that I’ll be prioritizing my other freelance work.

So Tuesday, I was free na to accompany a friend for lunch. Where? Tagaytay. Sa Sonya’s. Biglaan lang to a. Hahahaha… But I love Tagaytay, and I’m kaladkarin, so yun, go! Lunch sa Tagaytay. Parang nasa kanto lang.

Food was amazing. Sorry, we didn’t have cameras with us. ‘Sides, kakain na rin lang naman, kelangan pa bang kunan? E gutom na kami, so lumamon na lang! Hehehe… First course was a salad meal. Orgasmic yung dressing, basta, ibang klase. Leafy veggies (of course), tas our choice of other fruits and veggies to put on our salad. May mangoes, melon cubes, singkamas wedges, etc. Actually the salad alone was filling na.

Second course: pasta. Oks lang, nothing too mind-blowing but not bad either. Your choice of tomato or cream based sauce, tas a wide range of toppings to choose from: olives, shitake mushrooms, fish, etc. I love olives so dun pa lang, solb na ko. Teka naglalaway ako habang nagta-type wait. Hahahaha… Even the juice is somewhat… unique? Well, maybe not too unique, pero meron herb thing, which made it feel more refreshing.

Then of course, dessert. The dessert was kind of a throwaway. Nothing too fancy, just a thin slice of chocolate cake, a bunch of turon like things, and other sweets that I don’t really know the names of. We had tea na din during dessert. Grabe, hebigat sa tiyan. But for P600 per person? Di na masama.

Going to Tagaytay, I was texting with another friend kasi nagpapatulong sya sa P90X. Sabi ko available naman ako that night, kaso baka medyo late pa since manggagaling nga kami ng Tagaytay. We agreed to meet na lang at Makati, Greenbelt or Glorietta, since bibili din pala sya ng equipment. E maaga din pala kaming makakarating ng Makati kasi kahit medyo late na kami nakaalis, mabilis lang yung biyahe kasi wala namang traffic jams sa SLEX.

So naghiwalay na kami ni V since may dinner pa sya with friends, and I met na with C. Yun, tinulungan ko na lang to the best of my abilities sa pagbili ng equipment. Tas we had dinner before we went to his place. Maganda yung place nya, cozy. Anyway, nag-setup na kami for his work-out tas I just guided him if needed. Ayaw ko din kasi mabigla. Better na gradual yung pag-exercise kesa mabigla, as far as I’m concerned.

Tas yun. Hinatid na lang nya ako sa meron akong pwedeng sakyan pauwi, got home in 16 minutes (from Shaw Boulevard to Mindanao Avenue, woot killer bus!).

One thing I realized? It’s good to make new friends. There are a lot of awesome people around. So V and C, cheers to you! I’m fortunate to get to know you guys. πŸ˜€

This too shall pass…

It’s 2:18am. I’m trying to design a logo. Or logos. Either way, I’m still kinda feeling Ehhh

Submitted work that I’m not really, well, let’s just say I didn’t give it my best shot. I could come up with excuses as to why that happened, but clearly, I shouldn’t. I’ll just have to accept the fact that I have a very limited concentration as a designer, and there will be some pros and cons with everything. Nothing is perfect. My ego was just shattered, but… Yeah, you know, life sucks sometimes, but I have to keep on moving along and just figure it out as I go along.

I also disappointed my mom. Nagtatampo tuloy. Nagka-promo ang CebuPac and I immediately took advantage using her card. I know, I know, I’m a terrible son. Pwede naman kasi magpaalam, di ba? Hindi naman sa akin gamit ako ng gamit. Ang tigas din kasi ng ulo ko. Sigh. 25 years old with the mind of a 10 year old. I gotta grow up.

Si ate pa nagsabi sa akin na sabi daw ni mama, di na daw sya importante sa akin. Which couldn’t be further from the truth. Then again, my actions aren’t really making it seem that I do care. Sabi ko nga dun sa isa kong friend before, kasi medyo nagkakaaberya sila nung nanay nya, na he should think about his relationship with his mom now before it’s too late, tas ganito ako, being a hypocrite. I’m doing things that I know might possibly hurt someone, which wasn’t of course the intention. Nasa huli talaga ang pagsisisi.

Nag-New Year’s resolution pa naman ako na I’ll be a better son and brother to my mom and my sister respectively. Tas eto, March na, I’m still the same dysfunctional me. Crap. Even my friend, naaasar na sa akin coz I’m always late. And I can’t argue with that coz I always am. I have very little respect of other people’s time and I hate myself for it.

Yeah, sorry, ginagawa kong sounding board tong blog. Sana may naidudulot na kabutihan to para sa akin, coz I really need to change. I think I’m still too selfish that even my apparent selfless acts (on paper) is basically indulgent.

Crap. I dunno what to do minsan. Actually, madalas. Well, actually… Augh. I think I have a vague idea kung ano yung dapat kong gawin, but I’m just not actively participating on even remotely trying to convince myself to do them.

I think I’m on a downward spiral. I don’t know how to climb up. Ang drama no? Pero yun talaga pakiramdam ko ngayon. Hay buhay.

I need another escape. And I need to get over myself. 😐

Cheers! Have a cocktail! :)

I only learned how to drink when I was 15. I attended a classmate’s birthday party and they served gin pomelo. I kinda liked it but I didn’t get buzzed.

My first taste of beer was in college, I was 19 and the San Miguel Light craze was just beginning to emerge. Because of one school project, I had to buy two bottles of it. We were assigned to design and execute a carry-case for 6 bottles of whatever, so I picked SML. Hey, at least I was of legal age then, so it was perfectly okay to buy and drink alcoholic beverages (had a semi-hard time smuggling it in school though). Not that they ask for ID or anything. When I drank one bottle of SML, I didn’t exactly get why it was so popular. Tasted like bile to me, and it smelled like piss.

Two years later, I was working, and since I’m basically earning my own money, I kinda thought that I could do almost everything that I want now, provided I can afford it and that no laws will be broken (primarily consisting of any death: other people’s, mine or an animal of sort). So by then, I started to drink socially, which is what I still do today. I mean, it’s kinda lonely to drink by yourself, isn’t it? Though I’ve tried it once (and finished an entire 1-liter bottle of cocktail), it’s still better to share a drink or two (or a bucket) with a close friend.

I prefer Red Horse, actually. Just saying. Or if it’s not available, I like draft beer better than SML.

I first tried hard liquor on July 2007, when I was with my colleagues at one of my former boss’ birthday party. They had Absolut and Jack Daniel’s. Some of them are actually egging me on to try Jack Daniel’s and Coke. So I went to get some and my thoughts about drinking completely changed. “This is awesome!” I said to no one in particular. The softdrink and the whiskey complemented each other perfectly, like they were really made for each other. I loved it.

From then on, since we had liquor in the office pantry (an opened bottle of Chivas Regal), whenever we go on overtime, we’d look for a can of Coke inside the refrigerator, without really caring who owns it, pour a glass, mix it with the available liquor and add some ice. We might be doing overtime work, but we do it, well, in some sort of style.

So far, I’ve been able to try a bunch of different cocktails and liquors. Vodka, whiskey, cognac, wine, champagne, tequila, rum, gin, brandy… And any combination of those to make a cocktail. So far, I like margarita, tequila sunrise and tequila shots. Followed closely by Jack + Coke, Chivas + Coke and Skyy Vodka + Sprite. Although I’d like to try Bloody Mary (since I like spicy anything and tomatoes) and…

The point of this post: The Four Horsemen.

It’s basically a pure combo of four different alcoholic beverages, something that I’ve seen on the pages of the now defunct (but really missed) Chemical Magazine. Here are the ingredients:

1 part Jack Daniel’s

Tennessee Whiskey

1 part Johnnie Walker:

Scotch Whiskey

1 part Jim Beam:

Bourbon Whiskey

And 1 part Tequila:

Tequila

Combine all four in one shot glass, drink and prepare for the apocalypse. Seriously, I’ll be buying a bottle each and try this at home, maybe when I have some company over just to witness my crazy antics.

I’ll update this blog when I have all of the ingredients. And document a before and after. Till next time! πŸ˜€

The Cost of Friendship

Another midnight thought: can you put a pricetag on friendship?

Automatic answer would be “Of course you can’t!”

For months now, that answer has been said in my head half-heartedly. Ideally, I would say that you can’t put a monetary amount on something that’s priceless. Money should be the least of the reasons why you stay friends with your friends.

The tides turn when a needy, desperate friend asks to borrow money, not to continue cultivating a lavish lifestyle or anything, but just to help out with family. At first thought, you’d think “Wow, how noble,” and agree to lend some money, thinking that after some time, the amount will be fully returned. And half a year later, that said friend, as noble as the intention was, is still making excuses as to why no single centavo has been paid back yet.

I’ve been told by another friend that money shouldn’t even be something you fight about with a friend, especially a true, genuine, I-love-you-in-a-platonic-way BFF.

Gray areas seem to manifest.

I just feel bad that everytime I communicate with said friend, I’m always prone to ask whether or not payment will be made available already. And every single time, the reply always seem to just mention that “No, payment isn’t available at the moment because of blah blah blah reason blah blah blah.” And it’s tiring.

It’s tiring to see that particular friend’s name online, on your phonebook or somewhere else, and the only thing that pops into your mind is “I wonder if my friend can pay me up already. It’s been too long.”

And the excuse, again, will just be the same shit. Different day.

I’m tired. I dunno how to conclude this post, actually. I just feel like such a bad guy whenever I text asking for payment. I know it’s my right to ask for it since “friend” owes me the money, but I also can’t help but be sad and somewhat angry at the situation. Sad because I know my friend is going through a rough time, and angry because that friend doesn’t seem to realize that this is a responsibility that must be fulfilled. I’m also sad and angry that it’s come to this.

How did we get here?

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FREEDOM!

I dunno if it’s a sign of some sort, but after resigning, I felt all sorts of awesome. Thursday I went to UST for the eve of the start of the Quadricentennial celebrations. Saw a former classmate, and met up with college friends. And my mom even attended, all the way from Infanta, Quezon. Oo, lumuwas pa ang nanay ko makaattend lang, as we’re both UST alumni. Basta, ang saya-saya ko nung araw na yun.

Friday, went to Little Tokyo in Makati for dinner with friends. Oks yung ambiance, and okay naman yung food, but not really mind-blowing. Tama lang. After dinner, some of us went to 7th High in Bonifacio Highstreet (formerly Club Ascend). Maganda yung place, kaso their music’s not really my thing. The DJ played mostly R&B tunes, e when clubbing, I usually prefer dance music. Not necessarily trance, but at least something with a nice and fast enough beat to get me grooving. Finished almost half a bottle of vodka, so I was pretty drunk. And I’m not a smoker, but I smoked pa, just coz I felt like it. Masarap pala sa lalamunan yung Marlboro Menthol, them black ones. But hindi talaga para sa akin ang smoking. I don’t crave for it. Saka after a while, gusto ko na lang mag-toothbrush at magmumog. Nasty sa mouth! So inuulit ko, hindi para sa akin talaga ang smoking. πŸ˜›

And, um, since my ex was feeling pretty frustrated, I sent a message through Facebook that night asking if may plans sya. Nagreply after a few hours asking if I’m home, e by that time pauwi na ako, drunk inside a taxi, at 2am. Long story short, we agreed to meet, sunduin na lang nya ako. So I went home, bathed (since by then I was only smelling of smoke and alcohol), dressed up and waited. Dumating naman after about 45 minutes, 3am if I remember correctly. So we had breakfast sa McDo near TriNoma, went to Starbucks sa Metrowalk, and talked. Well, mostly sya, since kailangan nya mag-vent. And I consider myself a pretty good listener, or at least I try.

Tas we went driving around, kwentuhan lang about random things. Takte lang nakakatawa ang tagal na yata nyang night shift at allergic na ang balat nya sa araw. Sabi ko na lang wag nyang kamutin kasi parang lumalala. Natatawa na lang ako ngayon, kasi masaya talaga kasama yun, kaya namimiss ko madalas.

Pero one thing I realized: we’re now just friends, again (kasi friends na kami noon pa, since we were kids). Exes maybe, pero romantically, wala na. And that totally ready na ako to fully move on.

Before kasi parang inuuto ko lang sarili ko na ready na ako to move on, na hindi ko na sya mahal, pero nung nagkita lang kami ulit, saka lang talaga ako nagkaroon ng closure. Wala ng questions, no more doubts or uncertainties. Aminado na ako sa sarili ko, mahal ko pa sya, and now I don’t think that feeling really goes away. Nung na-admit ko yun sa sarili ko recently, gumaan yung loob ko. Kasi ibig sabihin I’m now really just being honest with myself. Sana talaga maging masaya sya. πŸ˜€

Saturday night, impromptu dinner with friends again, this time in Handle Bar sa Makati ulit. Masarap yung food, kaso I didn’t particularly love their steak. Ayos lang, but again, not mind-blowing. I love their other menu items better. Tas yun, kwentuhan about love with my friends. I told them about my random meet-up with my ex, and that no, it wasn’t a booty call. “C,” my friend, is having problems with her current boyfriend. “K” naman is also having problems with her jerk of a non-boyfriend/unknown. I kinda feel for them. Sigh.

So yun lang, just sharing. And rambling. Past 3 days was absolutely amazing. Natural high. Kayo? Anong kwentong Rebisco nyo? πŸ˜€

The Summer Bod Project

So ito na talaga, 2011 na. Time na for a new body. Kasi naman, nakasasawa din kasi yung pag nakikita mo yung tiyan mong malaki (na maliit naman nung college), na di ka fit, nakade-depress. Masarap sanang sabihin na kasalanan to ng society, kasi meron silang halos iisang perception when it comes to “beauty.” Aminin mo, nagsta-strive ka din for perfection, or kung anu may yung “ideal” para sa yo. Marami na tuloy kamakailan ang naglipana sa gym, sumasali sa fun-run (actually since hindi ako runner talaga, hindi sya “fun” for me so isang beses lang ako lumahok), nagbabadminton, ultimate disc, dance, at kung anu-ano pang aktibidades.

Ngayong taon, papairalin ko na ang pagiging vain ko. Β I’ve started P90X again (bale it’s a 90-day at home workout regimen), at since mental naman talaga ang labanan, I shall will my willpower to force me to exercise (as in ganun dapat ka-grabeng pilitan ang maganap). May pacing naman, pero dapat mentally into achieving your goals ka din. Mind over matter, ika nga. O kaya “Just Do It” ng Nike na lang tatandaan ako. Wag na mag-inarte, wag na magreklamo, sige lang ng sige. πŸ™‚

P90X Extreme Home Fitness Workout Program

Tapos, syempre katuwang nito, I’ve also started my healthy diet rituals:

1.) Walang rice (at all). Actually this part is easy for me because I don’t really like rice that much. It’s not my staple food. Mahilig akong magpapak so I can survive with just a viand. Β A platito-full will do.

2.) I’m also eating like 5-6 times per day, bale 1 meal after every 2-3 hours, so my metabolism won’t slow down. Bale breakfast (8am), morning snack (10am), lunch (12nn), afternoon snack (3pm), evening snack (6pm), then dinner (8pm).

3.) I’ve also cut down on processed carbohydrates. Una nga dun is rice. I also limit my sugar intake. The only “sugar” I consume are from fruits and honey.

4. Balik na ko sa milk-green tea-and-water only beverages ko. Of course, may occasional coffee and softdrink, pero kung kape naman I can take it black at kung softdrinks, meron namang Pepsi Max at Coke Zero.

5.) Iwas din sa excessive salt. Bloated pa ang feeling e, may water retention na nagaganap.

6.) Dagdag intake ng fiber. Para ok ka tiyan.

7.) Balanse dapat lahat. Saka I won’t deprive myself. Kung meron akong cravings, I’ll allow myself pero once a week lang. Kasi pag sobrang gigipitin ko sarili ko mas lalo ko to di maipagpapatuloy.

Going all natural!

So exercise and diet are down. Ano pa? E di yung complementary rituals. Tadah!

Every weekend, I’ll have detox. Para naman malinis yung katawan ko from the inside. Flush out toxins ba. Kabi-kabila ba naman yung mga alcohol, chemicals at kung anu-ano pang nakaka-degrade ng system ng katawan, so dapat talaga gawin to.

Tas every month naman, I’ll try those colon detox. Maraming benefits naman pala if you have your colon cleansed. Iwas skin problems, health problems, lalo na colon cancer. I’ll try Amezcua, or kung maka-book ako ng room, sa The Farm (at San Benito). Pwede ko din try yung sa Makati kaya lang di ko alam kung bukas pa. Sayang, wala na yung dito sa Greenhills. :/

All of this are for my brand-spanking new body for 2011 summer. We (my friends and I) are planning on going to Boracay kasi by May. E ang kapal ko naman kung puro flabs, taba at tiyan na naman ang ididisplay ko dun. Yun lang naman. Saka para naman masubukan kong magka-abs. Sana sana. Saka yun nga, para healthy na din ako, di lang sa panglabas. Nyak.

Also, for one of my planned tattoos na I’ll be getting by March or April, sana may korte na yung shoulders at arms ko. Feeling ko mas magmumukha kasing maganda. πŸ™‚

Time na ulit mag-diet-diet, gym-gym at magpaka-vain! 3 months na lang, most of us will be hitting the beach! Lezgo! πŸ™‚

Midnight Musings

Hi. My name is Ralph, and I’m a relationship-aholic. (Imaginary circle of people reply in chorus: “Hi, Ralph.”)

I'm a lover, not a fighter.

It’s been almost 3 months since my ex broke up with me (the relationship barely lasted for 2 months), and honestly, I’m good. And thankful. Seriously.

After that one, however, I’ve only been actively dating. I just haven’t met the “right” one yet. And I’m one of those believers in sparks and chemistry and soul-mates.

I know that I’m a relationship guy. I can totally do the monogamy/exclusivity/let’s-grow-old-together-thing with, and dare I say it, my forever. Not really too poetic, but I kinda think I’m romantic. Or delusional, but I choose to be positive. I have to be. I like romance. I think it suits me.

I’m not looking for somebody perfect, just someone who’ll genuinely like me, totally and completely, for who I am: human, complex, imperfect – me. I’m not just defined by my name, or what I do for a living, or the people I surround myself with, or anything else. It’s the combination of all those aspects plus a bit more that make up who I am.

On that note, I’d just like to say that I really like you, MD. Kahit di pa kita nakikita, o ni litrato mo lang. Alam ko lang, masaya na ako pagka nakausap kita. Na kahit puyat na tayo pareho, at mga limang oras na tayo nag-uusap gabi-gabi hanggang madaling-araw, okey lang, kasi nga, masarap ka kausap. That’s why I’m thankful my ex broke up with me. Coz if not for that, I wouldn’t have met you.

I dunno where this is going, but I’d like for this to continue. I just hope the feeling is mutual. I’d like to meet you, and I hope you’d like to meet me too. And get to know each other better.

I’m not expecting too much out of this. Or maybe I am. I’m a go-with-the-flow kinda guy anyways. Or I dunno… Oy. Here I go again with being confused on what to actually feel. Or think. Or do. *sigh*

But I think that’s the best that my mind can come up with right now. I’d like to meet you. Possibly in the near future, maybe.

I’m crossing my fingers.

Signing off now. Thank God it’s Friday.

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